Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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