So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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