Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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