grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
