I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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