She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I need a burrito and a hug.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
