i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
