So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
