he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
