I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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