All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
