I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
