Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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