i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
