Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
