we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
