dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I checked into jail on foursquare
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize