Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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