i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
