Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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