I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
