Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
