I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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