the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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