apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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