I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
