what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
