Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
