Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
