P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
