tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.