I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?