my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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