TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.