after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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