Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
