was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
