I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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