i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
