so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
