if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
