Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
