i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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