So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
