It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
