omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i believe in u and ur pee
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
