If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
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he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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