Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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