dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You are the jesus of drinking
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
