I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
