somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
