I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
