Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We have so much sex to catch up on
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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