Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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