another moral hangover. fuck.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize