Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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