She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
