i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
