I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
