I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
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