I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
