im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
